Our Loss

This past April, my husband, Chris, and I were thrilled to learn we were expecting our third child. We were naturally ambivalent because of three losses in the past, but figured with two healthy children, odds were good that the baby would be healthy.

Our LossAt eight weeks pregnant, we went in for our first doctor appointment and ultrasound. I lay there nervous as the transvaginal ultrasound was performed. Once I heard the heartbeat, relief washed over me. Our baby was healthy and had a strong heartbeat (164 beats per minute). My ambivalence changed to relief as I looked forward to the ensuing months and giving birth in December.

All that would change a mere four weeks later when, in early June, we went for our 12-week checkup with my doctor and another ultrasound. I could tell right away that something was wrong. It was then that we learned that our baby died at 10 weeks gestation. We had lost our fourth baby. 

Coping, at first, was a bit difficult. I couldn’t understand what went wrong. I discuss all of this and what we learned about our loss at Scary Mommy today.

About Denise

Hi! I'm Denise, a 40+ year old SAHM trying to navigate the world of motherhood. I blog about parenting, food, and have been featured a few times on BlogHer. I enjoys solving mysteries (Okay..reading mysteries or watching them on TV), cooking, and drinking way too much caffeine than I should. Basically, anything I needs to do to survive the toddler years.

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  1. Pingback: A Brief Visit
  2. Hello Denise, I’m sorry for your loss. As an ultrasound tech I see this too often, and way too often the parents, especially the mom blame themselves. Just know, that nothing you did or didn’t do caused this. One of the doctors I work for calls it an accident of nature. Most babies are born perfect because if something goes wrong during the developmental stage the body will choose to eliminate the embryo or fetus, usually early. Nevertheless, it is very difficult to lose a 12 week old pregnancy.
    Vashti Quiroz-Vega recently posted…Why I Think This World Should End

    1. Thank you! I think it is only natural. After all, the baby is under our protection and when it doesn’t live, you can feel guilt. For me, I didn’t feel guilt after the first loss or even the second, because I knew those things could happen. However, by the third loss, I found it hard not to blame myself. I was the common demoninator. I’m past the guilt now, though. Thank goodness.

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